Can you still feel the butterflies?

glory road

2011-04-03T12:52:00.002-06:00

Fear not: for I am with thee.
Isaiah 43:5

Rugby Prayer
-For a Warrior of God-
Jesus
I stand before this battlefield
to which You alone have led me.
You planned this day before I was even born.
I see before me an enemy that is stronger, faster,
smarter, and better prepared for this battle than I.
I admit that I am afraid
of getting hurt of making mistakes.
I admit there is a part of me that wants to turn and
walk away and let someone else fight my fight.
Instead, I will do the only thing that I can do-
I cry out to You alone, Jesus.
Yours is the only name upon which I call.
Give me the strength to turn into this battle.
Give me the courage to charge boldly into this
fight despite the full knowledge of the weakness.
"For I have no power to face this vast army that is
attacking me. I do not know what to do.
But my eyes are upon You, Jesus."
I declare to all my reliance upon You only, Jesus.
I trust in the goodness of Your heart and therefore
the goodness of the outcome of this game because
I know You love me.
Yet still I must actually fight this fight.
I have to step onto the field of battle.
I have to play smart, run fast, stay focused, and hit
as hard as I can...
You have made me a powerful hitter.
My mind must be alert, my feet swift, and my
hands sure... You have given me great hands.
Jesus I need You to help me keep the eyes of my
heart focused only on You during every moment of
this great battle.
And when it is over and I walk from this field
-win or lose-
let me know that I stood back-to-back with
You alone in the fury of this great day.
In eternity that is all that will be remembered.
Jesus, let me know that I knew only Your strength.
And let it be known by all who gaze
upon this field of battle-
that the glory is Yours, and Yours alone.
My Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer,
and my Strength in battle-
Jesus

hills and valleys

2010-04-14T14:55:00.002-06:00

Life isn't one easy straight road. It's got curves, hills, valleys, obstacles that challenge us and make us work harder. We can't always see those hills; sometimes we hit curves we're not expecting, but we have to take it all in stride. Those obstacles are there to teach us, to help us- even if we don't quite understand how or why. These hard times teach us to appreciate the better times, help us to not take things for granted.

I wouldn't know just how sweet this tastes now
No, if at first I did not go
The bitter times, the bitter places
I'll stay and learn the new battles
But, for now, we're here

We know that it won't be easy, but luckily we're not alone. We never have to face this life alone. When we take those around us and use their help we can make it through anything, we can be there for others as they are there for us. We just have to hold on together, stay as one and use each other and things will work out.

Say you're with me
There's gold ahead
There's golden dreams
And life's hills and valleys
Yeah, will you hold on with me?

good life

2010-04-05T19:36:00.002-06:00

This could really be a good life, good life
Say, oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life.

This life is amazing. Maybe it's not always easy, but it is good. So many good things happen that we often forget about, that we take for granted. If we just took like 5 seconds to take a step back and look at how great we really have it, I think we'd all be a little amazed. I know I do it a lot, it's easy to get caught up in the stresses of school, work and whatever else we do, but there are so many amazing things out there. So many things that we need to learn how to appreciate more, so many amazing things around us.

the end where I begin

2010-01-22T14:52:00.002-07:00

one thing ends, one thing begins. This life is a constant chain of successes and mistakes, joy and pain, beginnings and endings. Things have to end before something new and better can begin. We have to change and grow or we'll never learn all we can be. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes we don't want to forget the past, but looking back blinds us to possibilities. Remembering and looking back are different. We can remember all we learned or how an experience helped us, but looking back carries heavier consequences. We can't live in the past; we can't look back longingly wishing to be back at that time. Everyday is a new beginning, a new chance to learn.

"Now I'm alive
and my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along"

We all have the ability to liberate ourselves from the past, from what holds us back. All we have to do is move along and begin again. All we have to do is look forward. Look forward and find joy in the new adventures waiting for us.

just in time

2009-11-24T02:02:00.002-07:00

timing is everything. We may not understand the timing of everything, but we have to make decisions regardless. We can't just think time will make the decision for us, it may not turn out as we planned, but at least we can say the decision was ours. Take control of your own life, take the reins and live the life you want to live. Who knows the opportunities you could miss if you wait too long. Make your decisions and own them, don't hesitate because things might not work out. Whatever happens, happens.

testing the strong ones

2009-10-31T01:39:00.003-06:00

The hardest part was letting go

It's hard to think about the things you've put so much time into and realize it's the end. It's time to let go. Letting go means that you're done, you've begun to understand the futility of trying to catch whatever it is you're chasing. No one likes giving up, no one likes to admit they've been in the wrong, it's human nature to want to be right. Letting go undercuts all of that because you're acknowledging your mistakes and admitting defeat. That's why letting go takes courage, strength, and determination. It's easy to say you just won't think about something, but it doesn't become reality until you consciously decide to set yourself free. You don't need to think this means life is ending. When you've lived with something for so long it's hard to think that it may not be there any more, that there's a part of your life you won't have anymore. It's at times like this when you learn who you are, what you're made of. We're all capable of doing amazing things, you just have to believe in yourself. It's the good ones who come under fire, the strong ones who get tested. We didn't come here to waltz through life with no challenges. It may be hard, but take life as it comes, show the world that you know who you are.

Its testing the strong ones
Scarring the beautiful ones
It's holding the loved ones
One last time

what do i know of holy

2009-10-07T21:30:00.003-06:00

it's easy to get into autopilot when our lives are going well, but it's at those times when we need to remember the most why it's going well. It's not out of our own good luck or skill, it's because we're not alone. Because we've been blessed with a network of friends and family ultimately backed up by the Lord Jesus Christ. We don't always know or understand how He affects our lives, but He is always there.

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame,
And a God who gave life its name?
What do I know of Holy,
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows your name
On earth and heaven above.
What do I know of this love?

It's amazing how much our lives depend on those around us, and it's ok if we don't always understand it. The only thing we need to understand is that there is a God above who loves us and is always there when we need help.

all i wanted

2009-09-29T00:39:00.002-06:00

When you look at it, we really only want simple things. We want someone to hold, someone to turn to, someone who understands us. Too often we complicate life and make mountains out of molehills. We could learn a lot of we just sat and watched a child for a few hours. They know what they want and they don't complicate it with over-analysis or second guesses.

I could follow you to the beginning
Just to relive the start
Maybe then we'd remember to slow down
At all of our favorite parts.

If we look back at all that we've experienced in life, there are always good things. We learn from everything and in the end, we get what we want. It might not be exactly how we envisioned, but we get what we put in. Take some time to sit back, remember those times, and simplify. Remember the simple things. Remember how it feels to just smile for no apparent reason, or to go frolic in the rain. Remember what it feels like to let your heart be open and not guarded. Remember your favorite parts.

do you feel

2009-09-04T09:11:00.002-06:00

a lot of the time we live our lives only for ourselves. We get so caught up in our own things that we don't see all that is going on in the world around us. Life isn't easy for anyone, everyone has problems and trials. Every time we feel alone and hopeless, there is someone feeling that exact same way somewhere else in this world. It's easy to get caught up in our problems and not see how very minuscule they are in comparison to all that happens around us. We can do so much to change that though, it's not that hard to go past ourselves and make a difference. Smile at people on the street, do something for your roommates or family, volunteer wherever you can. Forget about yourself for one minute and look around to see how much needs to change in our world. We can make a difference, no matter how small we think it may be.

Do you feel
the weight of the world singin' sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
and we all have our things, I guess

all again for you

2009-08-24T23:10:00.002-06:00

sometimes we do dumb things, we say things we don't mean, we act very human. Even though we make those stupid decisions, we shouldn't look back and regret them. At the time we made those decisions, we probably didn't think they were dumb. We saw them as necessary or beneficial. We didn't think them through all the way and ended up doing something a little unintelligent. The one thing we can't do is look back on our life and wish we hadn't had those experiences. Everything we experience is for our good, we have to keep that in mind when we remember every little thing we've gone through. It's easy to look back and see those decisions as totally irrational, but hindsight is 20/20. We have to look at the past and remember that we learned from that time, that's how we grow.

use somebody

2009-07-06T23:28:00.002-06:00

We all need somebody. Somebody we can always turn to. Somebody who can always help us fix our problems. It could be a best friend, a family member, a pet. The thing is that we are never alone. We may feel alone, but it's up to us to use those resources around us; to realize when we're in too deep and we can't stand on our own. The same concept is found in team sports. In order to succeed in a team game you can't play as individuals, you have to use each other. Find how one player accents another, utilize everyone's talents. We can't be good at everything and trying to do everything alone will only leave us stranded. We prove ourselves by asking for help, by learning how to accept our shortcomings. Find strength in numbers, find peace in others, find joy in somebody.

find a way

2009-07-02T16:30:00.002-06:00

the beautiful thing about life is that there is always a way. It may not be easy, it may not be what we want, but we can always find a way. We may face situations that seem to have no resolution, that seem impossible to deal with, but it's not true. There is a solution for all the problems we face and our challenge is to take those problems and find a way to work through them. To find the best answer, even if it isn't what we were hoping for.

There's no fear inside.
This is our time, no giving up.
When we connect our hearts, to our minds,
There's no stopping us.

We need to approach everything before us with the an attitude of success. Take on every challenge knowing we can make it through, no matter how hard. It isn't easy, but it's not supposed to be. We're here to learn and be tested. We're here to grow. We're here to find our way.

human

2009-06-15T23:21:00.002-06:00

nobody said this was easy, right?
after all we're only human.

Life is meant to be lived, but it isn't always that easy. Too often we get in our own way; we make mistakes, we stumble, we get distracted. We see everything that we should be, everything we are working for, but it's always just a little too far out of reach. I've come to realize that's ok. If we set goals that were easy to reach we would never grow, never improve. We aren't supposed to be perfect, we aren't supposed to get everything we want. We have to learn to appreciate the little things. Baby steps and small victories. Success isn't instant nor is it guaranteed, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Our imperfections and attempts to be better are where true character is revealed. No, we won't always succeed, things won't go according to plan, but we learn to run with it. To make the best of anything that comes our way. Baby steps, small victories, the little things that keep us going.

Things won are done; joys soul
lies in the doing...

legends

2009-05-05T22:40:00.002-06:00

Everyone has a secret desire to make history. Everyone has woken up one morning thinking, "maybe someday I'll be more than just another person." It's inherent in human nature to want to be more, to want to be known. Some people want to make history for the fame, some because they want to create change, and others do it merely because they want to make a statement. They want to prove something. This year my team did that.

We made a statement.
We made history.

The rugby club I play for has never made it to the national collegiate stage. Last year we made it to the Pacific Coast playoffs, the farthest we had been able to go in 8 years. Since this club started 9 years ago we've faced struggles. We get no school support of any kind, all our funding is out of pocket or through generous donations. And, until last year, the national tournament was held on Saturday/Sunday so we were not able to compete because we don't play on Sundays. Last year it all changed. The tournament changed to Friday/Saturday and we were all of sudden in a position to make a name for ourselves. We unfortunately had to play the eventual national champions in the first round of the PacCoast so we weren't able to advance any farther. This year we had a vision and the skills to make that vision happen. PacCoast playoffs come and we come out with a bid to the national stage. 16 of the top teams in the nation, the stage was set. The first round was difficult, but we prevailed. Top 8. The sacrifices, the hard work, it was all for this. The next day we faced Penn State. A team better than any we had played, but we felt prepared. We played our hearts out. Left everything on that field, but Penn State was the better team. They went on to run over Brown and Stanford to win the national title. Despite the loss we still made history. All the hard work paid off, we made a name for ourselves. We proved that heart and desire can overpower brute strength any day. Next year we hope to grow more and make it to the final four, but it won't be easy. We start the season ranked #4 in the nation, there's a target on our backs. Now is the time legends are created and history is made. Again.

We'll part the seas, make history
While chasing dreams like every legend before us

(*fin)

2009-03-04T20:24:00.003-07:00

end.

school is half way finished. I can't believe I've almost finished two years of college. It is so crazy how fast time can move when you're not paying attention. Have I made the most of these years? Have I made a difference? Can I look back and say I have enjoyed college the way I should be enjoying it? I think too often we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and we forget to look around and enjoy the sights. People are so busy. We go to school, we work, we play sports, a thousand other things monopolize our lives and make even breathing feel like it takes too much time. And then when we try and take breaks, we stress about all the things we could be doing and therefore completely nullify all relaxing moments. We need those moments. We need that time to recuperate. We need that time to live.

Follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.

Follow your bliss. This quote was above my senior year English teachers door and every time I walked out I would look at it and think "I'll have time for that when I get to college." Well here is college and it's still difficult to find time. In fact it's probably more difficult. I don't want to look back on college and just remember a blur of school/work/rugby/and any other thing I've tried to do. I want to remember the nights that turned into mornings with friends I'll always have a special place in my heart for. I want to follow my bliss wherever it may lead me.

a little's enough

2009-02-13T00:06:00.006-07:00

It's very apparent in the world today that things are not easy. Everyday we face something that threatens to pull us down and destroy all that we've worked for, but there is hope. There is always hope.

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore our innocence
And all the promise we adored?
Give us life again, cause we just wanna be whole.

Poets, musicians, artists, regular people. All of them share the same message of love. Love never fails; love heals all wounds; hate is easy, love takes courage; where there is love there is life; love is the movement. The message is always the same and carries the same strength. Everyone wants to feel loved, everyone wants to say they have a reason to go on and live the life they have always wanted. You would think a concept as universal as love would be easy to remember and use, but, sadly, there is far too much hate in this world. Nation against nation, people against people, brother against brother. Many battles hit even closer to home as people battle their inner demons, too often this is the case. People forget they are loved, forget that they have made a difference for someone, sometime. An enduring message of love can do so much.

The cure is if you let in just a little more love.
I promise you this, a little's enough.

Something as simple as a smile can change the course of a persons day, we can be that love. We can share that message. One person at a time, we can spread that hope, spread that love. The chain reaction will spread like fire, bringing peace of mind to those who desperately need it. All it takes is just a little love, I promise you this, a little's enough.

start again

2009-02-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

It often feels like coming in to life we've been set up for failure. There is no way to come out without facing some kind of pain, some kind of heartache. The beautiful thing, though, is that we have the chance to start again. There is the opportunity to change. We can learn, grow, become better. We aren't forced to stay the same person we've always been, there are so many ways we can become the change we want to see in the world. We have to stand up and be that person we want to be though, we can't sit back and expect change to just happen.

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Ghandi

It's up to us to start over and be all that we can be. To take action and make our lives and the lives of those around us better.

We will hold together
to become the change

my heart

2009-02-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down
And I can't do this alone
Stay with me
This is what I need, please

Too often people get caught up in trying to be so independent, myself included. Accepting help is one of the hardest things to do because that's like admitting you can't do it. Admitting that defeat pulls at self esteem and makes our shortcomings blatantly obvious. As hard as it is though, it's often necessary. There is so much we don't understand, so much we can't even comprehend. We could make it through life on our own, but not only would it be much more difficult, it would also be very sad and stressful. The joy of connections is that we can turn to those people closest to us and ask for help. They are there to buoy us up and help us when all else seems lost. It's amazing how much support one person can provide. We all face those times when all seems lost, when it seems like going on isn't even worth it. But then there's that one person. The one person who comes in and takes what is left of our heart and holds it together until we can do it ourselves. Whether it is a family member, a friend, a significant other, or God, without fail there is a network of support all around us that we take for granted. Trials are a part of life, a part of learning and growing. Through them we can learn how far we can go and when we need to seek help. Seeking that help is far from admitting defeat though. There are people in our lives who are there, just waiting for us to reach out a hand. Waiting for the moment when they can come in and be the shoulder to cry on.

Sing us a song and we'll sing back to you
We could sing our own
But what would it be without you?

brave

2009-01-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

many people talk about how it's hard to be brave in the midst of trial, but sometimes it's even harder when those you love are facing trials that threaten to pull them under. You want so bad to help them, to keep them afloat, but inside you're hurting as well. Some people live their life seeking to help those around them, they live to be the shoulder to cry on. While this noble sacrifice keeps their friends going, it often pulls them away from their own problems. Empathizing with others is emotionally draining enough, then add on top of that your own trials and pains and the result is a person who has no release. Rather than dealing with those problems, they seek to lift up everyone else and store their own problems on a high shelf away from reality. This often leads to more problems because everything begins to build up and soon the entire shelf crumbles and you're left in a mass of pain and heartache as everything you've worked to hide from the world becomes a blatant flag flying above you. You're forced to face everything at once, an insurmountable task that can bring even the strongest to their knees. At times like this we can't stand alone, we need those around us. It's a continuous circle of support. We lift up those around us and, in turn, they will be there when all of reality comes crashing down.

I'll follow through I promise to hold on
I'll never let go won't let you down
If you can stay proud I'll be brave somehow...

this circle

2009-01-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

Take this time to realize
That you always shut your eyes
In the midst of trial

Sometimes it's hard to face those things that we fear the most. It's difficult to come to terms with the fact that life is gonna hit us hard, we're going to fall, we're going to fail. If we're not careful, we get stuck in a vicious circle, one in which we fail, then get frustrated, then continue to fail because of out frustrations. We continually talk ourselves down and undercut any hope we have of overcoming those things because it seems to be fruitless. Trials, though hard, are refining. They purify us, help us eliminate the flaws of our character that would seek to always pull us down.

This circle never ends
And it's time you
Just face it, don't pretend.

Hiding from our inadequacies and pains will only make them worse. Face what is before you, stand up and tell the world that it can't bring you down. We are all the captains of our souls, the masters of our lives, nothing can stand in the way of what we truly want to accomplish. With dedication and desire we don't have to settle, we don't have to end up in that circle that takes over the lives of so many.

secret crowds

2008-11-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

too often in this day and age we allow ourselves to get caught up in the turmoil and drama of everyday living. politics, hate, violence, suffering; it's everywhere. How are we supposed to enjoy life when all around is pain and pressure? Pressure to make decisions, pressure to look perfect, pressure to be involved in everything, pressure to fit in. Why can't we just laugh and play? When did success become all that mattered? What about happiness? Joy? Love? Love, a word that seems to have lost a lot of meaning in recent times. Love can bring us through any trial we face, any pain we feel, any hate we endure. Whether is be the love of a friend, husband, wife, significant other, or the love of God. η αγάπη κατακτά όλοι- love conquers all. Truer words have never been uttered. I've seen the results of love, I've experienced the power of it. Why does it seem that love is such a secret thing? It's like people are afraid to show love. Afraid of swimming against the current, afraid of ruffling feathers. Don't fear, just love. It doesn't matter who, just love everyone. Black, white, brown, gay, straight, male, female. Whoever you see just love. Would you rather have a future filled with happy memories of love and friendships, or a future filled with regrets and lost opportunities. It's up to us, we can change this world, we can make it better.

Let me heal you, carry you higher
Watch our words spread hope like fire
Secret crowds rise up and gather
Hear your voices sing back louder.

time and confusion

2008-10-31T00:43:00.000-06:00

confusion is part of life, especially in college. There's always something to do and never enough time to do it in. Sometimes we get so weighed down with the seemingly insurmountable tasks before us that it's easy to give up, it's easy to be angry with those around us because getting angry at the assignments seems fruitless. Little things set us off more easily than usual and sometimes it's too easy to lose ourselves in the fray. It's too easy at these times to retreat to our rooms and be bitter about everything which lays before us, but it's at these times when we truly need others. It's at these times when we need to the outside opinion of those that care about us. It's at these times when we truly need our friends. No one knows us better than the people we associate with on a daily basis, those we consider to be our close friends. I've found some of my friends often know me better than I know myself. In the times when all seems lost and it feels like rock bottom will be our best friend forever we need to turn to those friends and ask for help. Not only ask for help, but accept help not asked for. We can't do this alone, if we were meant to go through life alone there would be no point in making friends at all. We're given souls that need companionship, souls that crave interaction.

And it feels like we could last forever
And I'm not doing to do this alone
When memories fade
We've got each other
When time and confusion collide

True joy is found in our relationships with those around us.

waiting game

2008-10-17T02:22:00.000-06:00

do feelings really come in waves, or are we our own worst enemies? Bottling up emotions and pretending they aren't there until one day they're forced to make themselves known. In most cases we create the emotional drama that accompanies the life of any young adult. Fear overrides common sense and we put everything that threatens us into a compartment in the back of our brain, hoping it will just wither away and die. If this were the case though, we would never learn, we would never be able to grow and progress. Even though it's hard we have to take those emotions, everything that we fear will overwhelm us and rip us beneath the current, and accept them as part of life, accept that we are presented with trials and difficult times for a reason.

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

vegas skies

2008-10-10T00:25:00.000-06:00

It's interesting to remember and recall events of years gone by and think about the feelings going through your head at some particular moment. Humans are very fickle creatures with ever changing and conflicting feelings, but I think sometimes we have to go down roads of feelings that aren't good because life isn't always going to be happy. If we went through life never experiencing pain or sorrow we would never grow, we would never be able to look around and appreciate what good there is. We can't always be happy, but the question is, what are you going to do when you've hit rock bottom? When nothing else seems right, do you turn to the heartache and darkness only to let it overcome you? Or do you strive for something better? Do you reach out with every fiber of your being and defeat all that threatens to pull you down?

But when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember it's only in the black of night that you can see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home.

Don't let the darkness overwhelm you, don't let yourself be lost to the never ending pain of pessimism and unhappiness. We have to find our own stars and come home, it's never too late to come back home.

new surrender

2008-09-25T22:01:00.000-06:00

We will all come to the point in our life where we have to admit that we feel defeated, that something has conquered us. We must change, not because we want to, but because we desperately have to. We can not take life in its current suffocating state, even to admit such desperation shows that we are feeling deserted, wandering the barren desert, a shell of our former selves. It is only up from here, it is impossible to sink any lower into ourselves or our circumstances. But we can be salvaged, a deliverance. No vice can stand, no fix can take. The thorn in the side can be removed, but you have to be willing to admit and surrender. Surrender your habits, your lifestyle, your past, your present, and your future. This is your new surrender. The new surrender.
Stephen Christian

just like you imagined

2008-09-20T23:40:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a dream? A hope? A wish? Those dreams, wishes, and hopes are what ultimately shape us. By striving towards goals, towards betterment, we push ourselves and demand dedication. There are many times when it feels like going forward is impossible, like we aren't capable of reaching those things we want to, but that belief is a lie instilled in us by our own insecurities.

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.
T.S. Eliot

We can only hope to get better by pushing ourselves past those self-imposed limits. Success isn't something that just happens, it requires hard work, desire, and usually failure. In order to truly appreciate success we have to experience failure, we have to be able to take that defeat and turn it into motivation. Use it to drive us and pull us through those times when our task seems insurmountable. If we never tried to get better, we would never find out that every one of us is destined for great things. The amount of potential within the soul of every person is incomprehensible. So go ahead. Dream, wish, hope. Imagine. Imagine a world where you can do whatever you set you mind to. Imagine a time when failure is a defining process rather than a discouraging one. Imagine a life where, no matter how many times you fall, you keep going until, ultimately, you've become better than you were the day before.

open your eyes

2008-09-04T18:55:00.000-06:00

please understand something, there are always going to be doubts, there are always going to be fears. The hardest part of this life is overcoming those doubts and growing from them. Realizing that, even though it's hard, we can always make it through with a little help. Don't let a little apprehension ruin something you've worked for for so long. Trust in the Lord and He will direct your path.

There is suffering in life and there are defeats. No one can avoid them, but it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you're fighting for.

pieces

2008-08-22T21:16:00.000-06:00

There are some times in our lives when all we want to do is give up, when we feel like we've been torn into so many pieces that there is nothing left. We've all hit that point, we've all faced those things that bring us down to that lowest level. The thing is though, when we fall so hard, when we're brought to our knees, we're in the perfect position to pray. It's when we've fallen so far that we can see how much we need help, trying to rebuild yourself on your own is an insurmountable task. How lucky for us that there is a way prepared to help us become whole again. I have a firm belief and faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and I know that He can help us overcome anything that threatens to pull us down. He wants to help us and He wants us to be better.

I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I’ve lost so much along the way

Then I see your face
I know I’m finally yours
I find everything
I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

I’ve come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your hand

When I see your face
I know I’m finally yours
I find everything
I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole

He wants to help us become whole once again.

we'll be okay

2008-08-18T23:24:00.000-06:00

The night is long over, but we're all still wide awake.
Huddled together, just hoping this moment won't fade away.
The sunlight makes it's way up the field toward us again,
marking the end of this.

Because everyone's going their separate ways,
sometimes things just change,
but we'll never forget who we were that day
so don't be afraid, cause we'll be okay.

Carved out our love and we all broke our hearts together.
These are the times that define who we are forever.
It's hard to leave, you're just memories that I'm thinking of
that mark the end of this.

Because everyone's going their separate ways,
sometimes things just change,
but we'll never forget who we were that day
so don't be afraid, cause we'll be okay.

and sometimes it's hard when everything changes,
sometimes it feels like the world's unfolding.
This is when the impossible becomes possible.

It's hard to leave, you're just memories that I'm thinking of
that mark the end of this.

Because everyone's going their separate ways,
sometimes things just change,
but we'll never forget who we were that day
so don't be afraid, cause we'll be okay.

So unafraid we hadn't lived,
we'll be okay.
Without a care in the whole world,
we'll be okay.

who we are

2008-07-29T17:18:00.000-06:00

We meet a lot of people on a day to day basis, but every once in a while you meet that person who will have a lasting impact, that person who has helped define who you are. Some people may not stay in our lives as long as others, but that doesn't diminish the impact they can have on us. I've had experiences where mere hours have changed my perspectives forever. Usually when we meet a person who has such an impact, it's through good circumstances and happy times, but our trials and challenges fuel that refining fire as well. Avoiding hard times is like trying to hold water in a cracked bucket. Some people may enter our lives and tear us down to the very lowest level, but sometimes that is what we need.

I know all the years and the places
The fears, the lonely faces,
scars, and broken hearts have made us who we are.
We're always writing a new history
And redefining you and me.
And though I know we've come so far,
We will begin again.

No one really wants to face challenges or feel insecure, but that's how we learn, that's how we begin to appreciate our blessings. It's been said that we can never know the sweet until we've tasted the bitter. Understanding that those difficulties are what make us better people is key to making it through our trials. Those times when we've been torn open to the very core are often the times that truly define us. We discover our true potential when we can see that we've fallen so far, but we continue on. We learn, we grow, we fall again. We succeed.

you're not alone

2008-06-22T17:33:00.000-06:00

The question "why?" is brought up many times a day in anyones life, but often we aren't supposed to know the answer. Why do people have to argue? Why can't we find peace? Why do good people die? Why do I feel so alone? Some of these questions can only be answered by ourselves, but others may never be resolved while we're alive. One thing that has always brought me more comfort is knowing that I am never alone, in this chaotic world filled with shifting values and uncertain futures, I can always count on the knowledge that I have a loving Father in Heaven. Being LDS has provided me with the knowledge that I, not only, am a child of God, but that I can communicate and receive comfort and reconciliation whenever I need that helping hand.

You're not alone,
there is more to this i know.
You can make it out,
you will live to tell.

We don't always know what is in store for us or why something happens, but knowing everything happens for a reason puts it in perspective. Knowing that God has a plan is all we really need. No matter how alone we feel, how far the depths of despair have taken us, how many people have walked out. We are never alone. You are never alone.

This is not an easy task. It is intended to be difficult, challenging, and ultimately refining

hear you me

2008-06-18T22:36:00.000-06:00

May angels lead you in,
hear you me, my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go,
may angels lead you in.

Is it ever the "right" time for someone to leave this life? Sometimes a death is expected, other times it is the last thing you could imagine, but no matter the timing or circumstances, it is never easy. This week has been one that I hope doesn't become common for me, on Saturday our institute director Brother Van passed away and today one of Josh's best friends, Matt, also passed on. Two very different circumstances, but similar feelings could be found. At Brother Van's funeral service there was much talk of good times and most of it was spent honoring the many great things Brother Van had done in his life. You could tell that Brother Van was at peace as was his family. Matt's passing wasn't quite as expected. He was involved in an accident on Monday and didn't make it through his surgery today. I've never met Matt, but he knew who I was and wrote me a letter asking me to do him a favor. From his words I could tell he was at peace with whatever happened and that he was ok with dying. He was only in his mid-20's, but he knew that even when we aren't expecting things, we have to take them in stride. None of us know when our time here is going to be fulfilled, but that gives us every reason to live in the moment and love with everything that we have. We weren't sent here just to be alive, we were sent to live and to enjoy. Who knows the impact we might have on those around us? Who can put on paper the number of people we influence in one day? When our time comes are we going to be happy we lived, or disappointed that we didn't get enough time? The decision is ours and ours alone.

to all the crowded rooms

2008-06-10T15:32:00.000-06:00

Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.

All people enjoy music, but to truly understand music and feel the connection it has on the soul is a quality many strive for. To me, music is more than just pretty words arranged with a nice melody. Music is feeling, music is soul, music is passion. Take away any of those qualities and music becomes just a tune, background noise lost in the chaos of life. Whether it is the hauntingly beautiful melody, the steadily pulsing beat, or the astoundingly profound lyrics, a song will affect every person a little differently. The ability for music to cater to so many different personalities and still be sincere in every aspect is what gives a song it's true power. I have the utmost respect for musicians and lyricists because of the impact they've had, not only in my life, but in the life of so many of my friends. Music is one of the greatest things to grace this planet and my life has been changed more than once by music. Being able to be a part of the emotions created by a band is a feeling unlike anything else. Connecting with the music brings definition to times of confusion and struggle. I couldn't imagine a life without music, without the joy brought by the passion of creation.

And I'll give blood to your dry veins
We do this for the passion and not the fashion or fame

We will capture you in open arms
When you're tired and alone

thunder

2008-06-04T13:16:00.000-06:00

one thing I really love about Texas is the storms. In Utah when it rains, it's just kind of depressing and cloudy and drizzly, but Texas, now that's a whole new story. Rains in Texas come with thunder, lightning, power. The pure beauty of a storm can only be appreciated with all the elements involved. Thrashing rain, cracking lightning, booming thunder, the elements that terrify you, yet amaze you at the same time. The power behind a storm is incomprehensible and unrestrained, it's a power similar to so many of the emotions we experience in our lives. Just as we can't control or predict a storm, our lives change so often that trying to work everything out is like trying to catch a storm. Emotions are unpredictable, people affect us in ways we didn't expect, we lose those closest to us. We are constantly rocked and battered by the storms of life, but is that a reason not to appreciate them? Yes, a storm can do so much damage, but think of the rain. Think of the life brought by what many fear. That's the thing about storms, they can be things of destruction or things of beauty. It's all in how we look at it. Perspective is everything in life. Those storms that may have seemingly destroyed everything may actually have been the best thing to happen in life. Some people don't realize that we're supposed to experience storms. Life isn't supposed to be perfect, we can't spend our whole lives trying to wait for that perfect opportunity. We can't spend our whole lives waiting for it to get better. We have to make our own lives better, we have to use the storms to help us grow.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
it's about learning to dance in the rain"

Coffee Break

2008-05-26T14:41:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I have a really hard time realizing that I'm actually an adult. I no longer depend on my parents for things, I have a full time job, I'm going to school. I miss being able to just sit and watch Disney movies, being able to take naps during the day, being able to sit and read a book without a deadline. Now life is filled with being thrown into the fire and growing up a lot faster than anybody wants. Everyone feels like they have to be involved in everything and eventually we're so caught up in our responsibilities that time to relax and be free is nearly non-existent. Sleep begins to take a back seat so that we can socialize and have fun, but isn't that how life is supposed to be? Always full, never time to stop and smell the roses, never time to be young again. That's what it means to be an adult, right? Same might answer that with a yes, but I beg to differ. No matter what anyone tells me, I refuse to believe that being an adult means not getting to do what you want. Not getting to spend a day or two of life being a kid again.

'Cause I've overcommitted myself
I guess this is growing up
I'm sleeping so little these days
I guess this is growing up.

Sometimes I feel like I'm so busy trying to make my life work, trying to get an education and work and be better that I don't have the time to go frolic in the rain, I don't have the time to go roll around in the mud. But I guess this is growing up.

paper walls, shadows and regrets

2008-05-17T14:37:00.000-06:00

"Let's take what hurts and write it all down
on these paper walls in this empty house
and when our ink runs out, we'll burn it to the ground."

We all have our own paper walls in life, paper walls filled with doubts, mistakes, or regrets. Everyone is going to regret a decision at one point in their life, everyone is going to make mistakes, everyone is going to doubt, however, the real question is how we deal with these things. The things we once did shouldn't have any control over how we now live, we have to burn through those in order to grow and become the best versions of ourselves. When we dwell on what once was, the mistakes we've made or the pain we've felt, we can't progress. Living in the past will never make our future better, life is now. Not a month ago, not four years ago. Now. Here and now is when we take all those hardships and regrets and use them to define us, to become all that we were always meant to be. Regret is a fact of life, but we can't regret forever. Maybe we made a bad decision, maybe we failed, but what if it happened like that for a reason? Life isn't perfect, it isn't supposed to be. It's supposed to test us, to make us realize that we are so much better than what we think. People severely underestimate themselves, we don't see how strong we are and that we were only given this life because we are strong enough to live it.

"and we hoped for the best
and let go of the rest.
The shadows and regrets,
we let go of the rest"

a twist in my story

2008-05-07T14:58:00.000-06:00

We never really know what life is going to bring. We try and plan out every detail of our lives, but when it's all over do we go back and think, "my life went exactly as I planned it"? I beg to differ, we all have those visions of grandeur, the beautiful plans that will lead to eventual happiness and success, but it never happens like that. Where would the fun of life be without a little twist every once in a while? I've come to realize that we need to take life as it comes and be happy we've lived it to it's fullest. We didn't come to this earth to just be alive, to go through the motions and go step by step until we die. No we came here to live. To take life by the reins and make everyday better than the last. We can't always control our circumstances or experiences, but we can control our attitude and how we react to those difficulties which befall us. We can control how we influence others around us.

6 months ago I didn't even know what rugby was, but now life without it is incomprehensible. My college experience can't be separated from the game and I wouldn't have it any other way. My team means more to me than life itself.

and in the end... it all works out

2008-05-05T09:18:00.000-06:00

After much debate and stress the final decision regarding South Africa was reached. Right now it's just not right for me and I have other things I need to be doing this summer. It's really hard for me to not go, just because of the immense opportunity it is, not only is it a place I've always wanted to go, but it's also the national rugby team. The possibilities for learning and becoming better are huge. but sometimes it's not in the cards, sometimes we don't know why we aren't supposed to do something, we just know it's not right. There's a quote I love that captures some feelings about hard decisions and about things that are difficult for us.

"...that pain you feel, that's life. The confusion and fear is there to remind you that somewhere out there, there's something better, and that something is worth fighting for."

We don't know what is in store for us, only God truly knows what the best path for us is and His guidance will never lead us astray. That I know and that is something which brings me a great deal of comfort. My life is mine to live and I don't know what's in store for me, but I do know that right now, I'm happy and in the end, that's all that matters

Insanity *10+1

2008-04-30T21:41:00.000-06:00

I really think I'm losing my mind. The stress of trying to find a job, wondering if I'm going to South Africa, and not being with my parents right now is seriously giving me a migraine. I just wanted this summer to be relaxing, I wanted to go to concerts [which I'm still planning on doing], hang out with my best friends, go to Kentacohut, and just have a summer to relax. But so end the fantasy and begins what my life will surely be like for the next 3 years. Where did the summers go when you could sleep in and have time to actually relax and read a novel? I just want Kelsey, Josh, and Colleen to come home so we can have a movie night and talk about boys. I just want things to work out

Is this really happening?

2008-04-29T23:39:00.000-06:00

Well my summer hadn't been too eventful, just lots of catching up and seeing old friends... until about 2 hours ago. So a few months ago I went to a try-out for the under-20 national rugby team. I really didn't think I had a chance to make the team, but it was an opportunity for me to learn. The team was announced and surprisingly I made it as an alternate. I was happy with that result, I still got my name announced, but I didn't have to pay for a trip to South Africa (which also means I didn't get to play in South Africa). Even though I didn't make the actual team, I was happy. Then Bryn (the head coach) emails me and says to give him a call, which I proceed to do. Turns out a spot's opened up on the team and I'm first in line to fill it. So now my head is spinning. I mean, I have a chance to play for the United States National Rugby team... for the minuscule fee of flying to South Africa. That and it's two weeks I won't be working, that's if my job (which I don't even have yet) lets me have that much time off.

This is definitely something that I need to sleep on.